Therapy

Old 05-31-2006, 12:51 PM
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Therapy

I finally decided that I really do need to get into therapy. I called and made an appointment today, and already I feel better. I'm not going to be like him and refuse to get help when I know I need it. I deal with the pain and the lies that he tells me, and I do it without drugs. There is nothing in his life that is bad enough to go this route. But I can't do anything about it. He wants to talk today when he gets off work. I told him there's really nothing he can say to change my mind about leaving. I always hear the same thing from him, he's sorry, he knows its affecting his life, he doesn't want to be like this. That's great, but it means nothing if you don't act on it. It's just words and wasted breath. I told him when he was ready to make an effort, I would be there for him, either as a friend or more. But right now, I can't be there for him if I can't even be there for myself. I hope he never ends up in a relationship like the one we're in now. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. There's nothing worse than leaving someone you love because they can't love themselves enough to save their life. I miss being the person I was. I was so strong, and I was there for everyone in my life. I laughed and smiled so easily. Basically, I was at peace with myself. I want to get back there. With or without him.
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Old 05-31-2006, 12:56 PM
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There is nothing in his life that is bad enough to go this route.
You don't know that to say it with such certainty ..... be careful, you are treading on some very tenuous territory.

I hope he never ends up in a relationship like the one we're in now.
He will, good enabler co-de's are always around to help.

I was so strong, and I was there for everyone in my life.
........ and this statement is the crux of your problem. It's not your purpose in life to be there for everyone in your life. You only need to be there for you, take care of you and love you! Everything else will follow, if you just let it.
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Old 05-31-2006, 12:59 PM
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So, I'm curious, are you going to have this conversation with him tonight and be baited to "dance the dance" once again until the next incident? or are you going to set your boundaries and tell him that the time for discussion is over and the relationship is over?

I bet you have the conversation with you and get sucked in again! We've all been there, done that .... me personally 13 years worth of "conversations", sobbing, crying, pleading, begging (him not me!). It was gutwrenching to listen to, so I stayed! ......
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Old 05-31-2006, 01:44 PM
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That's great, but it means nothing if you don't act on it. It's just words and wasted breath.
You're right about that! Nothing he says he "realizes" matters so long as he does nothing about it. It is all about his actions and stick to your guns by taking a break away from this man. He's got serious issues that you will never find peace with as long as you stick around. I hope your counselor's appointment goes well. That is a great healthy start in your own recovery.
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Old 05-31-2006, 04:56 PM
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4Leaf,

Great step in making that appointment today. I hope it goes well for you. Let us know.

gf
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Old 05-31-2006, 09:53 PM
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Thank you so much. I did go over there with the purpose of ending it as clean and as pain free as possible. For reasons I can't even begin to talk about just yet, I hit basically rock bottom. I see what my life would be like with him, and that will never be the life I want. I know God never gives you something you can't handle, but I feel like I'm drowning. It's hard to breathe. I feel so alone. I'm trying to find the strength to turn my phone off tomorrow, because I know that's what I really need to do. I can't let him talk to me. If that happens, the pattern just continues and nothing changes. He doesn't want to change himself, and I refuse to lower my standards. As long as I don't talk to him, I won't get sucked back in. I'm going to need a lot of prayers tonight. Please pray for me.
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Old 05-31-2006, 10:04 PM
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Good for you, yes, get counseling, take the phone off the hook.
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Old 06-01-2006, 05:45 AM
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((4Leaf))-- I'm sending you many prayers that you stick to your resolve. You seem very clear in your heart and mind that this type of relationship is unhealthy for you and is something you are not willing to tolerate. If that means taking your phone off the hook or moving for that matter- do it! You know what is best for you. Avoid him and always remind yourself that anything he says to you is simply a drunk/addict trying to once again manipulate a codie.
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Old 06-01-2006, 05:50 AM
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I go to therapy...it has been a lifesaver. It has opened my eyes, to see the real me..the person I had lost. I go once a week, and look forward to it.
We work on me, not the addicts in my life.

Go to the session with an open mind, let it flow.

My best,

Dolly
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Old 06-01-2006, 09:37 AM
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How are you doing today 4Leaf?

Yes, it can take tremendous strength and courage to disengage when you're so enmeshed in a relationship. Stay strong, keep telling yourself what life can be like without this in it, and what it is like right now.

And know that you can have the kind of fulfilling relationship you want down the road with someone who can truly be there in an equal capacity for you. You don't have to settle for this.
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