2. What do I hate about my addiction, what does it do to me (give specific examples)? List as many of the bad, undesirable results of your addiction as you can. Ask yourself honestly "If my addiction was a used car, would I pay this much for it?"
The mental and physical things that I hate about my addiction are as follows:
liver pain and kidney pain (that's right I could actually identify my liver and kidneys being in pain after some boughts of heavy drinking)
stomach pain and digestive problems (i'm not talking discomfort, I am talking very real daily PAIN)
headaches and grogginess (I am talking serious pounding headaches)
bloated sensation and constant fatigue
nausea and diarreaha (I'm talking daily)
shakes and the sweats (daily)
high blood pressure and nervousness (daily)
anxiety and depression (daily)
lack of self confidence, self worth and self esteem (dialy)
insomnia and general mental instability (daily in the end)
lack of common sense and the "insanity" (daily)
Feelings of hopelessness about my drinking (daily in the end)
Lack of interest in opposite sex and relationships ('nuff said)
Muscle pain and back pain (drinking heavily is one of the leading causes of both) (daily in the end)
muscle degeneration and muscle injury
The worst part of all of the above was that I had the apparent inability to remember the above consequences and to use that as a negative reiminforcement of why I MUST NEVER drink before picking up and drinking again. It was only after I quit that these became apparent to me. I also know absolutely as a result of relapse, that the moment I drank again, I again lacked the ability to make this connection.
The above does not even begin to deal with the financial, personal and social costs of my drinking. I think I will save that for tomorrow. I do know that living in Canada the financial cost seems to be a lot higher than in the US based on what I've read on this board. It appears that alcohol is not only more available there, it is also far less expensive.
Peace, Levi