I wish your friend the very best of luck.
Reading your post was hard for me as it brought me back to the final days of my drinking and remembering the things I put my kids and mom and friends through. It was through a one-person intervention in the form of my mom that got me in the rooms of AA for the hopefully final time. My daughter had gone to live with her dad as she couldn't stand to watch me drunk. My son was being cared for by mom as he had no other place to turn. He asked my mom "Why doesn't she care about us anymore?" He was 17 at the time and my daughter was 14. My mom's only response was that it wasn't that I didn't care about THEM, I no longer cared about MYSELF (which was true). I loved my kids, family, friends etc. but all I CARED about was getting the liquor in me so I could pass out and not have to face life.
I share all of this to tell you that there is hope but your friend has got to reach the point where she is willing to get help (which it sounds like she may be). She is going to have to do the work and she is going to have to be willing to do whatever it takes. Enabling her doesn't do her any favors although I understand that you do it out of love and concern for her. Regardless of how this treatment works out try to let it go and let her find her way. I highly suggest Al-Anon for you as well as her family. This will help you learn how to deal with life regardless of what the A in your life does.
Thank you so much for sharing and helping this alcoholic remember what it was like.
Hugs,
Kellye