It's funny how we all see things so differently depending on our experience. My ex did very similar stuff to the things in your first paragraph (and more). However, I now know that he did all those things to put a lot of goodwill in the bank and get me hooked for when the $hit inevitably hit the fan. He was (and still is) a cynical manipulator.
I hope it works out for you, papagalo. And welcome.
p.s. Did you mean to send this as a PM, or is this a PM that you posted? Whichever, I am glad you did. There's some good stuff in there.