Hey there equus,
I raised my younger brother too. Didn't do as good a job as I would have liked, but I was only 4 yrs. older.
Here's what works for me.
- Who is providing the information. Mom? I dunno about your Mom, but mine was completely unreliable. If it came from her I just ignored it, it was wrong, exagerated or fabricated.
- Thru al-anon I have learned that my brother needs to live his own life. Our relationship is twisted because I raised him, instead of us being equal siblings. That leaves me with a lot of "codie" feelings towards him, instead of healthy al-anon feelings.
- What I can do for my brother is the same that I can do for any other person in the world. Be supportive, offer assistance when _truly_ needed, listen carefuly without directing or controlling, and trust that _his_ HP will provide him the tools to handle lifes' challenges.
Mike
