Well hon, it seems like par for the course but I can only relate to things as my AXBF saw them. In over a year, he has seen me lose my temper with him ONCE. HE won't let it go. Keep in mind that for this same year I have been running around like an idiot tryingto do everything in my power to return him to the happy sober man I fell in love so deeply with. No amount of detachment or kindness will work. I think that this is all part of the alcoholic's manipulation. They feel if they can keep pointing out your shortcomings, they don't have to look at their own. That's one side of my opinion.
Here's part two: If you were as unreasonably obsessive as you seem to believe you were yourself, the trust with him may be hard to win back. Put yourself in his position, if tomorrow, he said he would never take another drink. How quickly would you be to believe in him whole heartedly? When he was extremely trired will you say that you would never suspect a drink was involved?
We learn what we live and the only way to unlearn it is to change it. You have done your part, you have changed you. He may need sometime to see that depending on how bad you obsessiveness was. It is up to him to do his part to change him.