TG, I sometimes go back and read my old posts. In this case, I think you need too as well. Check out the posts that you have started in just the past few months.
While I don't believe that you are wanting to leave - I do believe that you are sick of this crazy and unmanageable life that you are living. I highly suggest you get a counselor (there's a post of your with some references to that as well) and get to an Alanon meeting!
I'm betting at this point that you aren't wanting or willing to leave - so you truly need to learn how to deal with this stuff - living an active alcholic.
((((TG))))