Hi lolobug! ( such a cute nick)
I agree with the ole wise ones above. You should begin taking care of yourself and try the alanon meetings if you can. Also the forums here are good as you probably are aware.
Hubby is angry with himself and only he can get the help he needs to overcome these emotions of anger, pity, and conflict within himself.
Unfortunatly, you must remain patient during all of this. I can only pray for you that he will find a way to make it to either a counselor, a minister, or even better yet an AA meeting. I fear his anger and self hatred will only lead him to the bottle again, while trying to stay sober alone (without the fellowship of other alcoholics). Has he visited our forum here? If he uses the computer maybe you can "accidently" leave it on one day so this site comes up when he goes on. I don't mean to be sneaky but I feel your turmoil, and know his.
In the mean time take care of yourself! I pray hubby can find happiness again.