Hi lolo and welcome.
What you described sounds exactly like me when I was not drinking, and not working on my recovery either. I need to work on recovery over and above quitting drink, to help keep me from drinking again, and to learn how to live and function and deal with all the trash that can build up in my head.
My only suggestion would be to try and take care of you. If you get a chance, visit our Al-Anon Forum and browse around. You'll find your not alone and you don't have to be either.
Doug