I do this, too. In working with my therapist it is becoming more clear to me every day, too, how I use it to manipulate. It is uncomfortable looking at it, admitting it and dealing with it. I'm very confused by a lot of it; because what happened is real and often times painful. It's what I DO with it that has been causing me grief. Sorry to be vague, but I'm at the babysteps stage with this.
I know Denny, the feelings of looking at it, admitting it and dealing with it , well it makes me squirmy .... sort of like holding a squirming child that so desperately wants to get out of your embrace.
It's what I DO with it also that causes me grief, lots of it.
Mike, you have given me much to ponder and re-think. I'll get back to you on your most recent post.