Originally posted by The Jay Walker
originaly posted by Screen3
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Chronic "relapsers" do not REALLY want to quit. They may say they do, but their behavior proves their words false. In that moment that they drink against their better judgment, they are making a conscious decision to choose weakness over strength, stupidity over wisdom and vileness over morality. They prefer the deep pleasure of alcohol and escape over reality. They tell themselves that they are powerless over it and, therefore, they are.
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I know were all different, and I could not imagine posting something like this, this is grouping so many people into one catagory and I find it very irresponsible, and don't see how it could possibly help anybody
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Thank you, Jay. Of course chronic relapsers want to quit. False, weak, stupid, vile? How about human?
Drinking is easy; quitting is hard--especially if we tell ourselves over and over that it MUST be hard because we CAN'T do it. We have to work at things that are hard, but that doesn't mean they are impossible.
Once we start making moral judgments about behavior we will lapse into a cycle of blame, guilt, helplessness, and continue the behavior because we don't think we can break the pattern. "Might as well drink, I'm a f**k up anyway...""Everybody expects me to drink...."
You are not your behavior. You have value as a person, no matter how desperate your situation. The decision to drink is conscious, but it is so thoroughly engrained that it is ALMOST automatic.
I've never been a smoker, but I come from a whole family of them. What could possibly make them want to keep putting those burning leaves in their mouths when they KNOW how bad it is for them and everyone around them? It is a thoroughly irrational thing to do, and every smoker on the planet knows it by now. So why do they continue? Because it has become a physical habit with a psychic reward.
Alcohol has an even more powerful psychic reward, because it relaxes parts of the brain that can become very annoying otherwise. You know, the parts that remind us of what we need to be doing, or how awful we're feeling. We might actually have to face those things if we remain sober. Planning for reality can be an important part of sobriety, as anyone who has experienced anxiety or depression can attest.
Our pattern of using alcohol can be powerful enough that our desire for it can overcome rational thinking. So we KNOW that we want to quit, but we keep buying the bottles and opening them and pouring them. Of course, maybe the first step in quitting is to NOT buy them...just taking a concrete action like removing all alcohol from our surroundings can be very liberating. But it will be hard to quit unless you
--find some motivation.. Others here have talked about the spiritual basis for that motivation, but it can also be simple practical concerns like, say, your wife leaving you;
--make a conscious decision to quit. Take that first step now; not later, not tomorrow.
--make a plan for how you are going to stick with that plan. Write it down, or better yet, post it here.
--plan for urges and how to combat them. Visualize your day and how it is going to go differently this time. Make up a saying that will help you NOT put that bottle in the shopping cart. Mine was "there will be no alcohol in my house or in my body." It was a promise I made to my kids, and that made it easier to keep. Say it to yourself, out loud if necessary (who cares what people think?).
--get the reinforcement that will help you with that plan. Here, at meetings, from your family and friends, or wherever you feel safe.
--practice, persist, and be patient with yourself. You're learning new ways of living.
--pick yourself up from each lapse, understand how it happened, and don't beat yourself up over it.
Take care of yourself, blue, and thanks for posting.
Don S