Hi Ellen.
Welcome to the recovery forum! Come here and talk to us anytime. Have you ever considered checking out alanon meetings in your area? I know how painful it is to watch someone you love attempt to self destruct. And I understand how maddening it can be when the bottle seems to triumph over logic and love. The saddest part is that no matter how much we want to help, there's no amount of pleading or harassing that will make them change until they are ready to do it themselves. But it is possible to find peace for yourself whether or not your loved one makes the commitment to change.
At the top of this forum page and the top of the naranon page are posts titled "Alanon Power Posts" and "Naranon Power Posts". They are a few of the messages we've collected together that have particularly good information or consoling thoughts for the newcomers. The "book club" post in the alanon powerpost lists reading material that our members have found helpful, too.
I hope you will find some comfort in the community here. It has made a world of difference to me. Please keep posting. We've all been where you are and we DO want to hear it.
Hugs,
Smoke