just new

Old 06-03-2003, 12:58 AM
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just new

Hi all,

I am just new to this site and found it looking for some help.
About two weeks ago my husband had come home from his dr.appt and the doctor had chewed him out pretty bad about his drinking. Although I have been chewing him about it for almost 4 yrs now. Dr. told him he had to quit or die. simple as that to him and he decided he loved me and our 4 children more than the bottle. For months now I have been finding hidden bottles all over the house and the children have found them as well.

Any way, he lasted 3 days Memorial day he went and got a 1/2 pint but I let him know that I could smell it on him. He went 3 more days without it and then when I went to work and called home I could tell he had had some. Came home and he was asleep and my 10yr old son was still up at midnight. I let hubby know that I had found his bottle and then he was fine for a few more days.

Tonight I went to work and called home and we got into an arguement and he hung up on me. I could tell he had been drinking. I don't think he realizes that I can tell just by the way he speaks, that he has been drinking. I came home and this time he was completely trashed and once again my 10yr old son (bless his sweet heart) was up and waiting for mom to come home.

Husband started being an *** and this time I stood up to him and told him he needed to talk to the dr. and this time get something to help and he says I want to quit and then the next time that he just wants to die so that me and the children will be financially stable etc. I am sure you have all heard the same thing. Thing is when he isn't drinking, there is a good man there. He knows he has a problem , he has a brother that is a recovering alcoholic and I am the daughter of an alcoholic.

I am tired of it and don't have anybody to talk to about this.
So I came looking to see what I could find and well..... Here I am.
HELP!!!

Ellen
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Old 06-03-2003, 03:59 AM
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Hi Ellen.

Welcome to the recovery forum! Come here and talk to us anytime. Have you ever considered checking out alanon meetings in your area? I know how painful it is to watch someone you love attempt to self destruct. And I understand how maddening it can be when the bottle seems to triumph over logic and love. The saddest part is that no matter how much we want to help, there's no amount of pleading or harassing that will make them change until they are ready to do it themselves. But it is possible to find peace for yourself whether or not your loved one makes the commitment to change.

At the top of this forum page and the top of the naranon page are posts titled "Alanon Power Posts" and "Naranon Power Posts". They are a few of the messages we've collected together that have particularly good information or consoling thoughts for the newcomers. The "book club" post in the alanon powerpost lists reading material that our members have found helpful, too.

I hope you will find some comfort in the community here. It has made a world of difference to me. Please keep posting. We've all been where you are and we DO want to hear it.

Hugs,
Smoke
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Old 06-03-2003, 10:05 AM
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((((((Elsede))))))

Welcome! So glad you found us. Smoke gave you some really good info, and I second it. You will find many friends here, and lots of wisdom, not to mention some much-needed laughs. Hope we can help.

Lyn
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Old 06-03-2003, 01:35 PM
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((((elsede)))
you are not alone,yes we know how you feel watching
someone you love fall to this progressive disease.
but, we're all here to learn and help each other get through the
bad times and share the good.
I have been in the program one year and after the fog began to clear I saw the purpose of working on myself and not the people or things I couldn't. It is an on going work in progress and that is one of the reason's I keep coming back !
I too grew up surrounded by alcohol and some of my own behaviors our a result of those effects. Then to discover my son and daughter are alcoholic last year realy through me into a tailspin of crazziness.
Alanon, my Higher Power,readings and coming to S/R all have helped so much.
Help is here elsede, keep reaching out.
Hugs
liddy
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Old 06-03-2003, 01:56 PM
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Hello elsede!

Welcome to a great place of support and love!!

We are all here because of our common bond and all help eachother. I know how frustrating it can be to live with a alcoholic. My husband has the drinking problem. He admits he has a problem and attends meetings sometimes. If he goes daily he stays sober, but he doesn't do that. I thought he was going to a meeting Sunday because he usually does that day. That was not the case and he came home drunk Sunday night. He was drunk last night as well. Isn't it amazing how they think that they are HIDING the bottles of beer or liquor? Their hiding skills need alot of help as do they! We can not help them help themselves.They have to WANT to get help. One thing that you can do is help yourself! Keep coming back and read the info!!

Prayers and hugs,
matters
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Old 06-04-2003, 03:53 PM
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Thank you everybody for your words of encouragement. So far it has been two days since his last drinking binge and it has been peacefull. We went out for dinner for our 8 yr old daughter's birthday. amazing, our bill was only $41 usually we go there and it ends up being $85 to going out. He couldn't believe that it was only that much. I just looked at him thinking well you big dumb oaf did you think the drinks were free!. But it managed to be a nice evening for a change. All I can hope for is that he can get through tomorrow. Usually that third day is the day he needs that bottle. Of course then it is getting out of his system and the body starts the withdrawl process am I correct?

All I can do though is love him and help him and most of all myself get through it.

He started to read the AA bible but quit after a few days. I can only think that is because he sees himself and our family in those pages and doesn't like what he sees. He says he wants to quit and that he prays everyday and night that he can do so.

I hope tomorrow sees another sober day.
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Old 06-04-2003, 04:23 PM
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Welcome Ellen!!!!!!!

You said it, you dont have anyone to talk to about it, now you do!!!!! Keep coming here, this place truly saved my life!!


((((((((((bighugs)))))))))))))
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