Your doing great!!!!!!
Beachbabe:
I too a pill abuser. Mine was for 8 years and yes I too also thought to take pills was also to get "Normal" I understand your yearning for these I have been off of them for 6 months. I was very bad on Adderall and have been off of that since 1- 05. I had those hooking up dreams and how good they felt when sleeping, but you know what felt even better. It was when I woke up and realized it certainly was JUST a dream and I am glad that I did not take a choice to pick it up and actually take it. It was the high of hooking up I think I loved the drama it all created. IT gave me a power feeling of being able to use my street smarts savy energy that I had to do it all. Sometimes having many and enough for days but still calling people to have them hurry up and get over to the house, and calling them every 10 min to find out where the hell they are. I look back and realize how sick of a behavior that is and I hope that you and I both take that energy and apply it to healthy living. I dropped weight through the years of my use and was that skinny pill user very obvious from my appearance. I was soooo into addiction and centered my whole thoughts on getting the next that I forgot about loving my family and my son who at the time was 2. I lost my husband and my son for a short while to this addiction and am still very mad at it. I hold this madness very important to me. I hope that I stay mad at this obsessive addiction for me. I for a short while turned to alchol for a while and realized that, that also as we both know is also a drug. During my whole stint with pills I didnt touch a drop but after not being on them and getting off of my anit depressents I tried commiting suicide due to the cycle i could not get out of. Enough of my rambling sorry!!!! but I understand totally where you are and where you have been. I have also been a chamillion but it sounds like you can realize when you are one. That is the gift of recover is to realize when we are momentarily insane. But the serious of all recovering addicts perfect this and become clean for time. Your upcoming 90 days are awesome congrats and i hope that this site also gives you courage and serenity that it gives to me. I have had bad days also. Matter of fact the begining of this week was very bad for me. I was plotting ways to get. But I have since moved away from people places and things. I realize that geographical addiction is possible and I saw that little mother FU***** sneeking up on me and went and got some self help books for myself. Here is the one for today hopefully it will help you leap over to that 90 days:
"Chicken Soup for the Recovering Soul"
Its very early spring, its still damp and cold. Through the snow has melted off the garden beds, the debris of winter is all thats evident. I stoop down and pull off a bit of matted leaves here and there, pull back the few branches of evergreen left over from the holidays, and Im amazed to see the little shoots of bulbs and perennials clearly showing above the soil. I am always reminded that, each spring the new shoots in the garden return and soon blossom into flowers. I also remember that I too experience new growth all the time, especially after I clear the debris of what's no longer needed in my life.
Thought for the day in the book:
Criticism, like rain,
Should be gentle
enough to nourish a
man's growth without
destroying his roots.
Frank A Clark