I didnt cry for 10 years Anna. Literally. Now, a baby on a commercial makes me cry. Writing what makes me cry, makes me cry. I have had some really bad thoughts that we dont talk about here but they are fleating and only thoughts.
Maybe I am so unhappy because I havent posted in awhile. Feeling alone in this again. Maybe I just need to go and hide somewhere and cry. Maybe I should be ok with just doing it. Crying scares me and I hold my breath to stop it until I practically pass out. NOONE has ever seen me cry. Noone. It scares me because when I begin to sob I start to feel like Im going to snap and go crazy... it sounds stupid but to me its a true fear.