I last posted AH letter, pretty much expecting me to move back home last Friday night. I did not move back home, and I really didn't respond to his email either.
Sat. was our anniversary, and he showed up bright and early with donuts for everyone. I told him that I would call him maybe about going to dinner. We went to dinner... it was very nice. Not much conversation, but it was nice. After dinner, he comes up with the idea of swinging by our house to pick up a movie for me and my mom to watch. I just sat there.... we got to the house and he asked me to come in. I went in, house was clean...and he grabbed the movie.... and then came over to me. He started trying to kiss on me, and I just gave him a hug...then he said he was going to take me to the room. I said..NO you're NOT!.. He said, it's our anniversary, as if it was expected of me! I still told him no. He just looked at me. Then he said, Well when can I move you and the kids back in? I said, I am not willing to talk about that right now. I wanted to have a nice dinner, and relax. So...he said..lets go. So he drove me to my moms.. the whole way just having a horrible attitude. Snapping at me, and driving like and idiot. We get to my moms and he tells the boys to hurry up. (His first night to have the kids). So...he takes the kids and goes. Then... the text messages start.... then the calls.
I left to go run errands, and naturally he started driving by my moms house... then calling wanting to know where I was? I told him... then he wanted me to come over.. I said NO. He hung up.
About 11pm he started texting me things...saying he was done with me...he couldn't take what I was doing to him, I have broken him. He was going to leave town and be gone for about a week...he'd bring the kids in the morning. I asked if he'd talked to his boss, he said NO.. who cares.. i don't need this job. WELL HELLO! He's only thinking of himself. So he said...if you don't come home tomorrow, I'm leaving. I was worried about him losing his job, bc I can't make it on my own w/o the support that he'd be required to give the boys...on what he makes. So... I told him that I'd come home Sunday night.
Sunday afternoon, i went to see him. He asked me what I wanted to do. I said .... give me another week. That we'd talk this week, go to our joint session w/counselor and maybe move back in next weekend. He said ok. Last night, he shows up at my moms....he was on his way to an AA meeting. This is the first he's ever intended on going... he's been adimate (sp) about not going...but he went. He called me late last night and told me that he was sorry, that he is an alcholic and his behaviors have been childish and stupid. ( HUH???)
BTW, my first Alanon meeting is tonight.
I am not sure what I should/want to do. I have not yet had the urge or longing to move back to him. I am very comfortable and settled at my moms house. I am glad that he is taking these steps...but is that enough for me to move back??? Ugg.. I can see that me standing strong on things is finally making things happen, but I still don't feel anything....good or bad.