Originally Posted by Kahlia
Fiya-Glad my words were of some help to you...she has ALREADY told you to leave her alone...she is USING....she is ALL CONSUMED by drugs. She may still love you in a sick sort of way BUT it is not the kind of love you WANT , NEED, OR, DESERVE. None of us did when we did it to other people that were trying to hang in there and HOPE that we would "quit" and get better and be our "old" selves. Even if she does "quit", Fiya, she has a LOAD of work to do, to get better, to figure out WHY she even started it all in the first place, she should not even have a relationship for the first year of her clean time, it should be used to focus on HER RECOVERY. She needs HELP, real HELP, before she ends up in the ground someplace. I ended up on life support, for God's sake. It take's EXTREME measures before we will STOP. we think we are invinsible. I am in no way trying to HURT you, I am telling you the true REALITY of what you are dealing with-a woman who is too sick to love anything but her DRUG.....I hope you will think about that and I DO admire you for NOT giving her any money...you are a very smart man. PLEASE move on with your live-you DESERVE one, there are so many woman out there that are waiting for a person like you, a good person that has intelligence, a good heart, a smart mind, and most of all a caring soul.....I hope you decide to find one.....I am only trying to tell you what I know from my own addiction..I BROKE someone's heart, he did not even know the "CLEAN" me....I was totally different....he was totally different to ME.....he waited and waited and I was so sad for him that I could NOT give him what he had waited for.....PLEASE do not let that be you.........PEACE, my friend...........Kahlia
You know, funny thing is this. As she isolated herself from me day after day, I spent alot of time thinking about what was going on, and in particular how she was acting and things she had been saying....and I came to the conclusion that she's really depressed with some major things that have taken place in her life that she had never ever dealt with, nor had she even tried to talk to anyone about it. Not even her family. And after much thought, I sat her down one morning after first waking telling her what'd I'd been noticing in her words and actions, particular her use of crack and piecing together what she'd been telling me of her past and I told her, "you're depressed sweetness". She was silent, looking at the floor for a moment and she said, "I think maybe I am too." I said, "All the symptoms are there cause I've been through a year long fight with it, then my mother went thru the same thing and my Lady (my pet name for her) was exhibiting the same behaviour...so I knew. And I told her, "You know....you have to start dealing with these past things, and if it takes you crying and moving on...do it. Because bottling it up will destroy you...but that mess won't help you get thru it."
And on that last thing you said, I think she feels the same. She wants to do the right thing, but that desire for the drug is stronger than anything else right now. And only she can break it.
Her cousin tells me I left when the going got "tough". And my response was, "what would you have me to do when I TRIED talking to her....even from the time she first mentioned it to me...letting her KNOW that I wanted her to have nothing to do with it?"
I've pretty much let her know that I am in her life, unless she wants me gone. I've made it clear that I am (and I really am) a TRUE friend and will continue to be til the end. But that I will no longer live around it and that if this is what she wants to do, then I have to stay gone.