Thank you for all of your replies. I guess I am just not ready to give up on him, however I do agree that there will have to be changes. I have felt for several years that his drinking is a coping skill, unhealthy one, and that he has a major mental illness (likely Bipolar) that has been untreated all this time. He says he drinks to "numb" himself, and I know how that feels. I for many years find ways to "numb" my pain (although not with alcohol or drugs), and it was only after treatment and medication that I was able to find healthier and better ways of coping. That is what I want for him, although I realize I can not make him change. My hope is that once he begins treatment for his depression and/or whatever else he may have he will have a chance at staying sober. Maybe I am just a fool, I don't know.
I am going to insist that for him to stay here he must 1) Return to AA meetings 2) Attend his first appointment next week for treatment and continue attending. I plan on taking him so I know he went 3) I want him to write out a "safety plan", i.e. what he is to do when he feels the need to "numb" his pain, what are ways to cope with that instead of drinking 4) No alcohol on the property, including in the house and outside
I will also consider finding an Alanon meeting that I am more comfortable at, however it is difficult because I live in a smaller town, and there are only 5 meetings a week, and the times I can attend are limited due to my work schedule.
Thank you for listening to my "vent". I appreciate all of the advice.