New here...just saying hi
I was searching today for a message board relating to families of alcoholics and stumbled across this one, so I am hoping to find a place of support. I don't really have anywhere else to turn!
To make this as short as possible- My dad has been an alcoholic all my life (25 years). Much happened growing up, and after several years of therapy I was able to forgive him and we began to have a real relationship. He had been sober and in AA for 6 months at that time. After 16 months he began drinking again. As much as it hurt, I was able to distance myself and deal with it. He also would keep his distance, he knew I didn't agree with it or want that in my life anymore. When he would sober up or stop drinking for awhile, he would get back in touch with me and things would be good.
At the same time, I was living with a 72 year old woman who was like a mom to me. She became sick, and I took care of her for 3 years. She died 3 months ago from lung cancer. The pain of this has been almost inbearable, and it still hurts to just talk about it. I have been horribly depressed more than normal. (I have been on meds for Depression, Bipolar, PTSD for 5 years now)
My dad lost everything about 4 months ago because of his drinking. Not working or paying bills, he was evicited from his house, has almost no relationship with his 14 year old son. My brother, 23 allowed him to move in with him. After 3 months and his continued episodes of drinking/stopping drinking/drinking again, my brother kicked him out after a fistfight with him.
So dad calls me, the whole "this time I mean it" speech and asked to stay with me. After all I am now in a 3 bedroom house by myself and it is very lonely. I agree, with the exception that no alcohol was allowed in the house.
He has been very depressed as well, and has been for many many years. He is just now beginning to realize this, or I guess accepting it is a better word. He agreed to seek treatment for the depression, and return to AA. I have done everything I could think of to help support him- gave him gas money so he could work, stocked the house with food, let him talk when he needed to, gave him all kinds of info on depression and alcohol abuse, etc.
Yesterday I found out he was drinking. He had gone 3 weeks without it, or at least that is what he says. I knew something was up, after dealing with this for as long as I have, I had a gut feeling. I found the beer cans outside and confronted him. He admitted to it, that he started the day before and it carried over. He reasons that he drank outside, so technically the alcohol was never in the house.
I am a mess over this. My brothers and sisters won't have anything to do with him, his sisters won't either. He has burned so many bridges. I can't talk to my family, because all I hear is "I told you so" and they don't think I should have let him come here in the first place. I am so mad at myself for believing that this would be it, I should have known better. I don't want him to leave, it is just to hard to be alone right now. He has agreed to continue seeking help, he has his first appointment next Wednesday to begin treatment. (Substance abuse treatment at local psychatric facility, they will also have him see a doctor for his depression).
I have tried attending Alanon meetings in the past, I went to 2, however was not comfortable. I don't do well in group situations. I know that I only went to 2 sessions, however I have been in group therapy before and quit after 6 weeks because it just wasn't for me. I am considering returning to therapy, but then seem to talk myself out of it. I was in therapy for 2 1/2 years, so I don't see what else there is for someone to tell me. For now, I am just needing a place to "feel normal". I wanted to make this short, but it went longer then I planned, sorry about that.