Blizzard, I feel your pain and when I read your posts, memories came back to me. You are in a very hard spot and it is okay to be a little angry about it because not all of it is because of you. Deal with that anger today or it becomes major resentment in the future. My RAH went to inpatient treatment 1.5 years ago and left me to clean up some major messes while he was gone, he had lost his job and didn't have employment, we had a 10 month old daughter at the time and we did not have daycare for her because he did care during the day and worked nights, not to mention we couldn't afford it with his $500/month drinking budget. Thankfully, I had a good career and a supervisor who showed huge amounts of compassion. I was allowed to work nights and weekends and my sister came through and watched my daughter in the evenings and on weekends. I was so angry. I got even angrier when he mentioned that he may be doing a 4 month long stay. I could handle 28 days, but 4 months of this, no way and I knew that I couldn't swing that with work for that time period. I was angry, angry, angry and did I mention angry. I feel that at that point in my life, anger was a good motivator for me to get things accomplished but that soon started to crumble as well because what was really behind the anger was fear and when I started to see that, things started to get harder for me.
Thankfully, I had al-anon which included a wonderful group of people who weren't going to let me have a pity party every week, weren't going to let me believe that I had nothing to do with the situation in my household and weren't going to let me believe that I couldn't do it. I also did for the first time in my life something that I thought I never could do, I asked for help. It didn't hurt my pride and I survived the first asking and thereafter it got easier. It is okay to ask for help in situations like this. I also decided it was okay if my house was a little messy and it was okay if my daughter and I satyed in our PJ's all day because there is only so much that one person can do.
Unfortunately, alcoholism/addiction is a disease and it is a family disease. Each of us is as sick as, or in my case sicker than, the addict. I truly believe that you are not experiencing all of this just because your spouse is an addict and at some point you may come to believe this as well. This is a chance for you to change your life and improve upon it and that chance is worth taking. I know that if my marriage would have unraveled that I would have been okay because I was working on myself and making my life better for me and for my daughter. My life IS better and my marriage IS better and my husband IS recovering and I AM recovering because of my husbands addiction and I wouldn't have asked for it to be any different. I am still angry about a number of things, but I am working to get rid of the anger because it only hurts me.
Just a small word of caution because I see myself in your posts, I got angrier the closer it got to him coming home because he was doing so well and I was struggling. Holy moses, that is some of the anger that still resonates in me, but I have to remember that it only hurts me. My RAH ended up doing only 28 days and then some extensive outpatient stuff, 90 in 90 and the like. I think back to his first year after and I think it would have been better if he had done the long stay, it would have been better for me as well. We got through it though and are much stronger for it. In my opinion your husband didn't choose to walk the path of addiction, but now that he knows recovery he has choices and so do you. If you haven't gone to al-anon, give it a try, you will find the support you need there. Good luck and congrats to your AH for making it to treatment, hopefully it will stick.