BlueMoon

mushroom -
"Huh. According to the Good Husband one, my AH had all the earmarks of a perfect husband. Every single item on the list. Now what does that tell us?"

Interesting - when I went back and re-read that list - it kinda reeks of passive/aggressiveness to me.

I think the answer may be in the Stockholm article:

"... It has been found that four situations or conditions are present that serve as a foundation for the development of Stockholm Syndrome. These four situations can be found in hostage, severe abuse, and abusive relationships:
The presence of a perceived threat to one’s physical or psychological survival and the belief that the abuser would carry out the threat.
The presence of a perceived small kindness from the abuser to the victim
Isolation from perspectives other than those of the abuser
The perceived inability to escape the situation... "

It's those "small kindnesses" that have always hooked me and kept me hooked - whether to my former AH - or to my alcoholic family.

nutz -
"Yet just reading about this syndrom , I can relate.

I don't know..I don't know...I don't know.....
I don't think, If I hate her there would be any good that can come out of it. "

I totally relate to the "I don't know ... " part!
Bits + pieces just really hit home for me - food for thought if nothing else.

I don't think the opposite of Love is Hate.
I think the opposite is closer to Apathy - and sometimes that feels ALOT like "Letting Go".

DesertEyes/Mike -
"My disease justifies her behavior, and I then make decision based on the _justifications_ instead of on the _observations_."

Yeah! That's it exactly!
It's like me reading the "Good Husband" article and thinking "Oh, how sweet ..."
Then going back the next day and thinking "Sounds damned manipulative to me!"
Which is more realistic??

I am learning that if I'm thinking "all good" or "all bad", I'm probably not quite sitting in the real world.

I did something that my family (mom + 4 siblings) did NOT like (to put it mildly!) It was a MAJOR something.
My punishment until I can "see the truth" (ie: THEIR side) is that they refuse to speak to me or have ANY contact with me.

I'm pretty sure that I could crawl/beg my way back into their good graces - IF I admit that it was ME who was wrong - and grovel and plead forgiveness.

I'm pretty sure that without my various support systems (including SR!), I will eventually believe that I miss my mommy more than I think I was right in what I did. That's who I've always been - pat me on the head and tell me I'm a good girl and I'm yours.

I no longer believe that's love.


Blessings,
Blue