yes, I suppose he is. And you are also right that this is about him, not me. Obviously, he has some real issues with owning HIS choices and when faced with them, makes empty promises because as long as I accept his promises then I believe him in his eyes. If I believe him then he's won and to him, it's about winning. He's molded me to believe his lies. He doesn't want me to come out of that mold.
I also know in my heart that 25 years from now, when all has healed and we're beyond a point where any of this matters, he'd still deny it. He tells me I'm throwing our future away because I let other people convince me of things that aren't true....he's right only the "other people" are HIM and him alone.
He and I dated in high school and shortly into college. One morning I was leaving his apartment and he had a note on his car. I read it. It was from a girl saying how sorry she was she hurt him, blah blah blah. I crumbled the note up, marched back up to his door and threw it in his face as I left. He called me 20 minutes later telling me I didn't know how to read. he doesn't know what I"m thinking but that note was not for him but for his roommate when it had HIS name on it. To this day, both of us moved onto another marriage then back to each other, 15 years removed from that moment...When I laugh at that moment with him and how "stupid" we were, he'll say while laughing "it wasn't for me." He knows I know, I know he knows and he plays but he cannot say, "I know I told you that wasn't that silly." He cannot do it even though that situation DOES NOT MATTER any longer.