LOL, yes ASpouse, I do. Actually, one time when he told me (as if he was joking) that you never admit to anything....remember his "lie deny demand proof" motto. I asked him during us "joking", what if someone had a picture and he said, "a picture isn't proof" . I said, "what if someone saw you," he said, "how far away were they standing, the eyes can decieve..." He was telling me back then all about himself and how he'd respond to a situation like this, I just never thought I'd be in it.....I had blind trust back then and was able to think he was teasing.
I do know in my heart. I guess I just keep repeating my own pattern as well. I want to cling to what's comfortable for me and honestly, I'm not comfortable sticking up for myself or facing the truth. For now, I will pack one thing at a time as you guys suggested.
I also hope this is okay but I want all of you to know that even though I haven't been here long, I've grown to trust so many of you as if you were my friends. If I can't believe myself right now (and I can't believe I'm sitting here doubting myself) then I'm going to believe you guys.........I need to trust someone and I'm choosing to believe ME and you guys.
As far as relying on my mom for moral support as someone suggested, my mom is a great support and she wants me to leave. However, she gets so angry because she loves me that when I tell her of my doubts , she gets mad at me. She can't stand to hear that I'm hurting because she wants me to snap out of it and thinks he isn't worth a single tear. She says things trying to get me to see the light that so don't help. Like, "once you're gone he'll be with that girl, you'll see...." Maybe so but that does not help right now.