Welcome Speed Freak, I'm glad you joined us.
You already know that what you do is extremely dangerous and only a matter of time before something tragic happens. It's much like playing Russian Roulette and maybe it would be good to park the bike for a while and figure out why you do this.
Why is the adrenaline rush so important to you? What is it that makes you risk your life to get it? Are there deeper issues you are trying to keep stuffed?
Sharing here may help you, but please give thought not only to the risk you pose to yourself, but to others on the road who may pay dearly for your sport.
Be safe.
Hugs
Ann