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addicted to speed/adrenalin...

Old 02-26-2006, 04:03 AM
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addicted to speed/adrenalin...

hmmm I dunno if this counts... I wouldn't mind some ideas, input suggestions in how to deal with this sort of stuff...

haha where to start...

I ride motorcycles... anyway, I find that I can't control how fast I go, and where there used to be fear, and adrenalin, like abarrier, there is nothing now... when I'm riding, the hand is just waiting until I get out of town and onto a country road to wind it open... we aren't talking slow (140mph+) sort of speeds... and I can't control it, I race bikes, used to be an adrenalin hit... now nothing, I think I'm chasing that old high... and I'm going faster and faster to get it... even when I try not to... the speed just creeps up and up, and I am left feeling empty afterwards... I know the consquences of crashing at that speed... I've seen it happen before, but I just can't stop... I've tried not riding... my life just seems to go to a stand still... it's my one vice, I don't smoke, I don't drink... but it's equally dangerous as those 2 put together in the end... I dunno if this has made any sense, someone give us a hand here
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Old 02-26-2006, 04:38 AM
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Ann
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Welcome Speed Freak, I'm glad you joined us.

You already know that what you do is extremely dangerous and only a matter of time before something tragic happens. It's much like playing Russian Roulette and maybe it would be good to park the bike for a while and figure out why you do this.

Why is the adrenaline rush so important to you? What is it that makes you risk your life to get it? Are there deeper issues you are trying to keep stuffed?

Sharing here may help you, but please give thought not only to the risk you pose to yourself, but to others on the road who may pay dearly for your sport.

Be safe.

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Old 02-26-2006, 04:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Ann
Welcome Speed Freak, I'm glad you joined us.



Why is the adrenaline rush so important to you? What is it that makes you risk your life to get it? Are there deeper issues you are trying to keep stuffed?



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I've tried parking the bike... everything goes into slow motion, all I think about is the bike, or riding, I won't be able to concentrate doing work, I sleep, and dream about it... < that sounds weird hey.

I'm not saying I find some road I don't know at all, and go up it as fast as I can, most of these roads are one's I know very well, outside of towns and built up areas. I do not speed anywhere near towns etc...

there have been issues with lack of sleep, also a break up in a relation ship a while back.

I don't know why I do it... go faster, break harder, get that little heart flutter...

I feel dazed, asleep, not functioning when I'm doing something else, almost like a dream... But when I'm on the bike, it's me and the bike giving 110% working together as one, corner after corner.

I don't want to die... and I try to minimize the risks, I am trying to understand why it is that I do it though.
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Old 02-26-2006, 04:59 AM
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I'm the mother of an addict, Speed Freak, a died in the wool codependent, if you know what that means (if not, drop down to the Naranon forum and you will meet lots of us). Before recovery, I think I lived on adrenaline too, worrying about my son, running around trying to save him, afraid he would die, and I too couldn't sleep or function very well. But as long as I was running around trying to solve his problems, I didn't have to face my own. That's how codependency is with most of us.

You don't sound so very different from me. You are in pain because of your broken relationship and adrenaline buries the pain. I know that because it did for me.

The thing is, it doesn't make the pain go away, it just masks it until I finally began working a program that would let me slowly peel away the layers of emotion until I could finally face the pain and walk through it. Denying it was there, didn't fool anyone but me.

Perhaps drop down to Naranon and take a read around and see if there is anything that you can identify with. Read the "sticky" posts at the top of that forum, and see if you have the characteristics of a codependent. Codependents are not just people who love addicts, it is a deeply rooted dysfunction that often stems from childhood issues and comes through when we are triggered in our relationships. And our recovery is about healing ourselves, not saving the addict.

Also, there is a wonderful 12-Step group called CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) which is my home fellowship, and many people there come to work on their issues, and many of them have no connection with substance abuse.

I think you might find it helpful.

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Old 02-26-2006, 05:12 AM
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It sounds very similar to the emotions I experience... I think I am beggining to understand what it is... The relationship has left me with dulled emotions, not being able to feel anything but numb and useless... But riding the bike manages to get emotional responses hard enough (fear, adrenalin etc) that they spur an animal insticnt response, and even though they are negative emotions, it's still an emotion, and that's why I strive to feel it more? <does that make any sense?



I will have alook at those things you suggested now...
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Old 02-26-2006, 05:20 AM
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I'm glad that helped and, again, I'm glad you joined us on our journey.

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Old 02-26-2006, 05:29 AM
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welcome speed_freak..

believe it or not, i can relate. my drug of choice was methamphetamine, which induces feelings similar to the adrenaline rush, a dopamergenic response. in our heads, perhaps its the same addiction. in our lives, we may have taken different actions to produce the desired effect, but your problem sounds very similar to mine. my life got super super boring when i didnt have my speed; i became totally obsessed with the feeling.

the problem is not with your driving, it's with your thinking. you certainly can use the 12 steps of acoholics anonymous, or any other 12 step group (A.A. was the first so i find their steps and books to be the most helpful to me, even though alcohol was not something i obsessed over)..- and in hopes of removing the obsession that may end up destroying your life. i suggest going to an AA meeting just to observe and pick up a Big Book-- you may be able to relate and modify their steps-- everytime they say "drink"-- you should think "drive"... taking these steps may end up saving your life.

of course, you will probably have to try some more controlled driving, and you will find it difficult as anyone would to abstain from driving, but perhaps that may be neccessary for a short while. if you are unsure that you are a speed addict, try some controlled driving. if you find that you cannot control your speed, perhaps a little driving abstinence is in order.

welcome, once again..
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