rooroo

I am so lonely today. I can't sleep. I have been up for hours doing laundry and dishes. This doesnt help. My H is in rehab for 72 hours. He will be home tomorrow around noon. I will be at work. I miss him alot. I have tried to keep my self busy all weekend. It doesn't help. I pray that someday "it" will click for him because all this is draining me. The probation fees the couseling the constant reminders of how much I try, it is getting sucked away by his alcoholism. The constant wonder if that he will start having the true desire to quit and learn how to live life. I am tired.
I have decided to take care of myself for a change and my kids. I have made myself sick, literally. I have lost to much weight by not being able to eat, worked my self to complete exhaustion. Apparantly this does not work. The only thing I have gotten out of it is people telling me i have lost to much weight and that they are just so mad at my husband. He didn't cause this, I did. My behavior is my choice. I have made a different choice while he is gone. Not sure what the out come will be, but it I am sure it will be different than the way things have been. Right? I can not force my husband to recover. I can only change myself. I will continue on with my life and be the happy person I once was. I have too much to loose if I go down. I will not allow unacceptable behavior in my home. This includes my children too. I am still lonely and sometimes angry but i think it will be okay. Thank you for letting me ramble. I appreciate any feedback. Whether it is someone telling me I am wrong or right. I will take things with an open mind.