rooroo

I am so lonely today. I can't sleep. I have been up for hours doing laundry and dishes. This doesnt help. My H is in rehab for 72 hours. He will be home tomorrow around noon. I will be at work. I miss him alot. I have tried to keep my self busy all weekend. It doesn't help. I pray that someday "it" will click for him because all this is draining me. The probation fees the couseling the constant reminders of how much I try, it is getting sucked away by his alcoholism. The constant wonder if that he will start having the true desire to quit and learn how to live life. I am tired.
I have decided to take care of myself for a change and my kids. I have made myself sick, literally. I have lost to much weight by not being able to eat, worked my self to complete exhaustion. Apparantly this does not work. The only thing I have gotten out of it is people telling me i have lost to much weight and that they are just so mad at my husband. He didn't cause this, I did. My behavior is my choice. I have made a different choice while he is gone. Not sure what the out come will be, but it I am sure it will be different than the way things have been. Right? I can not force my husband to recover. I can only change myself. I will continue on with my life and be the happy person I once was. I have too much to loose if I go down. I will not allow unacceptable behavior in my home. This includes my children too. I am still lonely and sometimes angry but i think it will be okay. Thank you for letting me ramble. I appreciate any feedback. Whether it is someone telling me I am wrong or right. I will take things with an open mind.

Gabe

Roo, take some time to sort out what is going on in your head.
Our actions are a result of our thoughts.
I'm guessing that there is a lot of fear in your thoughts right now.
Fear is what leads us to anxiety.
Trust is what leads us to peace.
We have no guarantees about what the future will bring or how a situation will turn out.
All we can do is live in the moment and ask for peace to come to us.
In order for that to happen, we have to surrender the fear.
I don't know where you are spiritually, but this is where asking God for help comes in handy for me.
If that's not your thing, deep breathing, some guided meditation, or something that you find soothing (like a hot bath or shower) can put you in a better head space.
I lit a candle for you.
I'm hoping you can find your way to a more peaceful place.

TomsGirl

Hi Roo! I know about the lonliness. My husband is currently in jail for violating his probation on his first dui. He's been in for 52 days so far and I'm not quite sure when he'll be getting out. Plus back in November he was gone for 22 days with being in the hospital for 11 days and then spending 11 days in rehab.

I went back and looked at your posts and your situation is a lot like mine. You said your H was in rehab. Did he start drinking again?

It's hard not to live on pins and needles when they're on probation because you know if they screw up the courts have all the say and there is not a thing you can do about it. One would think the threat of all that would be enough to make them stop drinking but it certainly wasn't enough to stop my husband. So there he sits. Maybe jail will do it but only time will tell on that.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Perhaps, but for me, another absence because his actions have landed him in jail again will certainly make my heart think about heading elsewhere.

Take care (((hugs)))

robina

You mention being lonely twice. Alcoholism of a family member can beat us down emotionally until we believe we don't deserve a fully present. loving man.

You are lonely because you are looking to an alcoholic to get your emotional needs met. Like they say in Al-anon, going to an alcoholic for emotional support is like going to the hardware store for bread.

You deserve a man who is fully present for you. As long as your husband is drinking, the most important thing in his life is the booze. You can love him, but as long as he is battling his addiction, he can't love you.

It sounds to me like you are beginning to accept and understand that, and yes, it's a very lonely place to be.

I have found such a tremendous amount of love and support at Al-anon meetings. You might find that attending Al-anon helps to take away the feelings of lonliness.

Keep coming back here, too. I have found that the members of SR are amazing and supportive.

Love and blessings

rooroo

Thank you for responding to me. I made it through the day. I am tired. Have to go to work tomorrow. My husband will be home tomorrow. I appreciate everything everyone has said. No matter how much the truth hurts, eventually I do come to accept it. I know I can't expect my H to comfort me. I don't want to admit it at times because it does hurt me. I look forward to my few minutes I have available to come to SR everyday. Reading what everyone writes and taking what I want helps get through every day. Alanon helps me also. I don't feel too lonely now. Thanks for replying!