I have more than one qualifier. My brother - he died from alcohol induced epilepsy in 1995. My father - he died drunk in a car in 2001. My second husband - he died from cirrohsis in 2002. I had a live in b/f for the last couple of years - he was both an alcoholic and a heroin addict. He got off the dope and got on the booze. He left here a few weeks ago. He was not using (that I know of) but he was drinking. He is probably strung out by now, but I don't know because I don't have contact. What does "actively codependent" mean anyway? I have a program. I may not work it perfectly but I have one. I still slip up and say yes when I should say no and I still become "irritable and unreasonable" but now I know when I am acting insane. Am I actively codependent? Probably.