JT, are you sure you're not talking about my evil twin???? I have one of those too. The program taught me that my fear of being sad or depressed and feeling bad is what keeps her around longer. I get the overwhelming feeling like it's always going to be like this....it's never going to get better AHHHHHH
But it always does. My sponsor told me to sit in it. I spent half my life self medicating any bad feelings like I have to be happy all the time or I am going to explode. It's ok to feel bad sometimes. It's ok to stay in bed for the day every once in a while if it comforts you. How I would love to do that!!!!! Eventually, it gets better.
I know we're a lot alike when it comes to the shiny shoe syndrome and when I am going through a rough time, that part really gets me. It's almost like I have to fit a role and if I don't then there's something wrong with me. I do the same thing. I don't answer the phone. I don't want to talk to anyone. My friends in the program always give me grief for this because they tell me that's my disease talking. My sponsor says we love to isolate but that the danger is that we could keep on that track. In order to get ourselves out we have to share and reach out and let people in even if they get a glimpse of the evil twin. Those who love you love your evil twin too
