I filed for divorce from my AH on September 30th 2005. It was a very difficult thing to do, and I went through a period of a few months of intense grief and anxiety, but now things are beginning to settle down and I feel like I can finally breathe. Both of my parents were alcoholics and when I was 17 I left the nest to move in with AH. I truly thought we were soul mates- he seemed so familiar- but now I realize it was the crazy alcoholic behavior that was familiar- not the man! Tomorrow would be the 11-year anniversary of our first date. I am so much happier now, I actually know what to expect when I come home at night.
It was the most difficult thing I have ever done, but the rewards are SO worth it. A wise woman told me the following, and I keep it up on my fridge when I start to miss him:
"Sometimes a permanent loss is better than a sense of possibility that keeps bringing new hope and then dashing it time and time again. You can move past the impossible once you accept it as such, but it is very difficult to move past hope and need. I just believe that leopards don't change their spots, bears can't learn ballet, and pigs don't fly over a frozen hell, ya know?"
I got sick of his promises and being blamed for everything that he had failed at in life. He had me to a point where I believed that no one would ever want me- but I decided I would rather be alone than to continue with Dr. Jekkyl/Mr. Hyde. Now that I am free, the opportunities for healthy love have been everywhere. I am taking care of myself instead of AH now- and it feels great!
By the way, I'm new here. I'm Susan. Hi!