I have to agree with maramax - detaching with love from your partner is the hardest. You watch them doing stuff you know will not help them, or just get them mired deeper into their own feelings of low self-worth, resentments, anger with the themselves and the world, procrastinating stuff that maybe might help - and you have to stand back and take a hands-off approach. It's soo difficult.
I have to clamp my mouth shut and resist the urge to do his stuff for him, even down to making phone calls etc.
And this applies not just to active As - 13 years sober in AA and attending plenty of meetings doesn't mean the behaviours go away. Some get it, some don't. He struggles and will not seek extra help or a sponsor.
Some just never matured in the adult sense and avoid responsibility.
Sometimes when i detach i don't get it right and detach in anger or resentment.
And then I worry - how to tell love from attachment? i don't know.
When I see the lovely side of him I feel love, but the ranting perfectionist who's an expert on the world? I find it hard to feel love for him when he's like this.
It's a daily struggle sometimes.
I try to change my reactions and sometimes it works, but it's not a magic wand.
Still working on it tho..I don't give up easily!
S
x