I just want you to know that I understand how you're feeling and I'm thinking of you. My husband and I separated three months ago. It was the most difficult decision I've ever made, but it's the only option I have to getting myself healthy.
I have no regrets about this decision. I was spending too much time trying to "fix" him and that made ME sicker by the minute. Even now....he's been sober for over 90 days, attending AA regualrly, has a sponsor and has joined a bible study group......and I still don't trust him. Too many years of alcoholic incidents.....many of these I have stuffed deep inside me for years. I have built a tolerance for living with this insanity.
I still get moments when I want to "cave," take him back and work on our relationship while we individually work on ourselves. But I know that if I do that, I'll allow myself to get sucked back into my role as co-dependent and lose the respect for myself that I have gained during the last three months.
I see a Christian counselor, who has also validated our separation.
Please take care of yourself and your children. Focus on getting healthy. A couple of excellent books are "Co-Dependent No More" and "Setting Boundaries." They have really helped me.
Thoughts and prayers go out to you....
S