Where to start..
I've been lurking a bit and am finally posting. I guess I'm just at my wit's end. I just don't know what to do anymore. I live with two men. The sober man is perfect, the drunk man is everything I loathe in a human being. The question I cannot answer is why do I stay? Why can't I bring myself to leave when I know full well that he will destroy me? I've always been a very happy, independent woman. Never in my life have I felt helpless until now. It is litterally killing me watching the most brilliant man I've ever known die a little more everyday. It's painful to watch our daughter worship him, knowing that someday he'll inflict lifelong emotional wounds. He's incredibly verbally abusive when he's drinking. It doesn't bother me so much when he goes at me, it's the nature of the disease, but he's destroyed many friendships he's had, due to what comes out of his mouth when he's drinking. How will I protect her? How do I protect my 11 year old son who he seeks out to belittle when he's drunk? I know the answer, I need to leave, but I stay. And I hate myself more and more everyday of staying. I suppose it's that small glimmer of hope (which dims more each and every day) that he will wake up and decide his family and his life is more important than the bottle.
Anyway, I'll stop rambling now. Time to fix another pot of coffee and try and work through my insanity.