1381 Days
It’s been probably a little over a year since I last posted.
I got married 7 months ago. We are expecting a baby in late September. We closed on a house today- 2k sq ft on 2.5 acres. In the process of renovating the new house while getting the old house ready to sell. I was recognized as the top producer in my company (I’m in sales) a few weeks ago out of a couple hundred reps. On top of that I’m a high school baseball umpire working several nights a week.
A lot of good stuff happening which I’m grateful for. With that said I’ve been feeling insanely stressed and overwhelmed with the added pressures of being the “top rep” plus everything else going on. Had somewhat of a mental breakdown the other day after a fight with my wife (fueled by stress and lack of sleep) where she got up and walked out of the room. I think it triggered something in me and I lost it. Looking back it wasn’t that big of a deal. In the moment I was so overwhelmed I just broke. I’m not a cryer but i cried uncontrollably for about an hour.
Anyway I’m not going to drink. I haven’t even considered it. 4 years ago there is no way I could have handled any of this without drinking my way through it. literally had no coping skills at all. I’m trying to build in time to rest and rejuvenate and paying attention to my mental health. All the while working on loving my wife and being the best husband I can be. It’s kinda surreal. Usually my relationships always ended because of my drinking. Now I have a woman that loves me to pieces and I’m working on being the best husband (and future father) that I can be. It’s a lot but I’m grateful.
Anyway, those are the thoughts running through my head tonight. It’s messy, it’s up and down, the struggle is real, and life can be a lot. If I was still drinking I’d have no shot!!