Thank you everyone. I appreciate your comments. You've said the words I've feared but not actually been able to say- sociopath. Maybe NPD. Both are scary. Sociopath puts an awful pit in my stomach. He did have childhood trauma. His mother was a drug addict and had severe mental illness although we aren't sure if it was BPD or NPD or even sociopathy. I never met her but she abandoned them when they were young. I also know that she had more contact with this step son than anyone knew at the time through texting and social media. Lies, promises, big grand things and then she would disappear on him and start the same cycle months later. She died of a drug overdose a few years ago. So he does have his share of heartache.
He also has a loving family that has tried to be there for him and support him in every way. One thing that scared me was that he was bigger than life all through school. Terrific athlete without even trying or putting in the work. Handsome. Big personality. Good student without even trying. He could do no wrong and was treated that way by his peers and even teachers and coaches.
But there were many red flags that we didn't even see. Hindsight, right?
Anyways, I will be around. I appreciate your support <3