I have known and dated my xah since I was 17. 53 now. We have been divorced for 12ish years. I have and suspect always will care about him and still for him in many ways. While I was in it, I thought our love was fierce, loyal and deep. We were soulmates - I thought. He is pretty much sober now, but does mess with rx meds I suspect. I am now realizing that my "love" for him was a type of love, but it was more of a caring, fixing, nurturing and controlling love. It wasn't a giving type of love (from him).
I look at him now and that "care and love" will always be there, that connection that we've had will always be there. But I left because I had too. Now he's not as giving to me because I'm not giving him what he wants, I'm not the stool for him to stand on to get what he wants. He doesn't have to appease, manipulate or use me to get what he wants. He has his own free will without me trying to control him. If I look at him now without me involved dotting his i's and crossing his t's for him - I can see clearly who he is.
We're "friends" I guess because we have 2 kids. But I can see clearly who he is and I really regret wasting so many years of my life simply put - trying to put a square peg in a round hole. It will never fit. Ever. No matter how much I try to saw the edges off smoothing him out. IDK if you see any similarities here with you, but I do. Maybe what you miss is him needing you. Maybe what you need to feel fullfilled, loved is to fix something because it's the accomplishment that you miss. I was so involved in the storm that I didn't know how to act in the calm. Have you been so busy with work, kids etc that you don't know how to deal with the calm? Just a thought.