I bumped a thread on moderation in the forum here, you might find it interesting if not funny!
Pretty much every alcoholic has that shame, it doesn't stop them necessarily and it's probably just self destructive, but it's there.
Yes, the 3 c's, that's very true, but I think what I am seeing is that you have become his "sponsor". I agree that if a loved one is struggling with something you want to be there for them, but in this case, how long does this go on? It could be years. Especially since he is not addressing the root cause of his alcoholism, well continued alcoholism.
But when you look at it from outside, it just looks like an alcoholic, trying to moderate, which will never, ever work and you are sharing that with him. You know he's fooling himself. But a few days sober is worth that?
I guess, without help, he is just going to end up back where he was, with you cooling your heels waiting for him to - what? To grab on to sobriety?
I'm not too worried about him to be honest, he is going to do what he is going to do. Hopefully he will get help. For you, nothing here has really changed? He's still x number of miles away and he's still drinking (and emotionally not ok).
Has he agreed to come over to you? Is he still working? How are you doing?