An Al-Anon friend of mine once said: "A lot of people hit potholes in life, but we Al-Anoner's are different. We like to move in furniture and start measuring for drapes!" Funny, not funny.
I found this tidbit on the web: "According to data reported by the WashingtonPost, about 10 percent of American adults consume about 74 drinks per week, or more than 10 drinks per day. This 10 percent represents about 24 million people. Many of the people in this group likely struggle with alcohol dependence and addiction." Your husband is right in there. But I'm pretty sure that at the end my alcoholic spouse could down a quart of vodka a day (32 drinks). She kept her well paying, responsible job right up to the end.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and as my spouse (and I) approached our respective bottoms, the problem got worse. I kept finding that I could deal with a little bit more, and a little bit more...as her drinking got a little bit worse, and then a little bit worse.
One day I finally reached my breaking point and reached out for help. That was the same day I told her "I can't live like this anymore." My story actually has a happy ending, she went into rehab the next day and has been sober for 14 years. But it wasn't all roses and rainbows. We both did a lot of work, on ourselves. I discovered that she wasn't the only one with problems, in addition to the way her alcoholism had affected me, I also had issues of my own that I had drug along behind me from a troubled childhood. When I changed, our relationship changed. I'm grateful for her sobriety, but I also know that because of my Al-Anon program I came thru very dark times stronger, saner, happier.
If you're thinking about getting help, Al-Anon is free (we survive on donations and bake sales)!. Meetings are easy to find and you can attend in person or via Zoom (or the equivalent). One thing I know for sure, living with an active alcoholic is hard, and our reactions to the insanity start to make us a little crazy. Sometimes a lot crazy.
Al-Anon was one of the best suggestions I got (that I completely didn't follow). I was told, "You'll wish you had done this 5 years earlier." And yeah, about 5 years later I did a palm plant on my forehead. Doh.
Best wishes to you on your journey. Know that help is available and that you don't have to do it alone!