Who knows why he behaves the way he does, that's for him to figure out so he can recover. What did you get out of this relationship, what are you getting right now? You said you have self=esteem issues, and it takes a lot of abuse for someone like that to say enough.
What I got from your OP, Makeitso is that he was gaslighting you and abusing you and lying to you when he was drunk, and now that he's sober he's making you feel like you can't have any opinion of your own and have to walk on eggshells around him. Should he relapse, he might blame you because of something you said, but that's not how any of this works (the three Cs). I think taking a break is a great idea, life's too short.