The court was today, I confirmed on Friday and figured I would spend the weekend taking it easy and focusing on the kids. It worked until Sunday. The more the day progressed the less I ate, less I spoke. I tossed and turned all night just to officially get out of bed at 4am. Court was at 8:30am. 8:am I was the first in the waiting area. Made sure to sit with my back turned and to not react everytime I heard a new person walking behind me. Soon I was brought into a room along with other victims where we were asked repeatedly if we wished to continue. A few women said "no" I found myself wanting ti shake my head, but heard myself confirming yes. After that it was a blur. I was asked twice if I was okay, I guess I didn't look so good. By the time they called me in to tell me how the final hearing would go (that wasn't today which made it worse imagining having to come back again to hear and read evidence.) I could barely talk. The officers started to offer me water and tissues. Once they started telling him how Restraining Orders work in New Jersey. That they don't expire, and how it can complicate his life. I lost it. I really don't know it happened I just couldn't breath, and everything sounded really far away, my vision was as if there were so many dark spots everywhere and then I felt hands on me. Before I knew it I was in a ambulance on the way to the hospital. Low blood preassure. I have pre eclampsia. And they rescheduled the final hearing for Wednesday. How am I suppose to get through this? I just tried to get through 1 video from the day of the incident and I am in tears. How did my life get like this? I lost myself by trying to save him. I'm suppose to be getting my hospital bag ready and watching movies and talking about the new addition to our family, all things I never got to do because it was always me having to focus on him. And now I'm alone and I can't even get through a court hearing. How am I suppose to be strong enough for my kids? I feel so weak.