Originally Posted by
Kt54 
Thank you for your replies. I just keep going over everything in my head, it's hard to process and I struggle with how it could seem so good, despite the addiction, and now it's over.
I need to remember it wasn't all good though. Far from it, and it wasn't sustainable long term. I'm forever an optimist and did always think that at some point, it would get better. I wish I had left at the start 😭
Yes! If everyone left at the start this forum would be very quiet. You didn't know what you didn't know about alcoholism until - you did. That's not a fault, who does really unless they are forced to?
The thing is, not all alcoholics are monsters or people living under a bridge. Even if they are living under a bridge, not necessarily bad people, in general.
When the alcohol is running the show though, is it the person or the alcoholic brain you are talking to? Well in truth it doesn't matter, the result to you is the same.
Remembering the less that good times is actually very important for your healing. It is much easier to think of the "good times" and when he said this and when we went there and how much fun that was. It's a good idea to write a list, something short and sweet and refer to it as often as you need to when you start going down the "I miss him, it wasn't all bad" road. Something like:
- Missed a lot of things because he was too drunk or hung over
- Lied
- Tended to isolate with his alcohol
- Very rarely asked about my feelings or what I wanted, in life and in general
- Would only go to places that served alcohol
- Always had to sit at the bar so service would be faster
- Spent money on alcohol instead of on things we could do together
- Would go silent for days
You get the idea. Not sure if any of those apply, but once you really start thinking about it, you will probably have quite a list in no time.
This isn't to reflect on him negatively for no reason. This is to remind yourself. The mind doesn't really like dwelling on things like that.