Originally Posted by
jsk 
He has been "pushed" into rehab three times, and each time we could see he wasn't really taking it seriously. Once he was out, he would soon start drinking. Every time he has hit bottom, lost jobs, etc., we came to his rescue. He has never had to completely figure his situation out on his own, so we know we are largely to blame. Last year he sobered up on his own, started going to AA meetings, looking for a job, had about 6-8 really good months, and his old job hired him back. During that time, we encourage him to get established with a physician that could help him get started on meds for his anxiety and depression. He never did that, and subsequently became anxious and depressed, and started drinking again. I feel like he has to want to get better and seek to do it on his own. Otherwise, this will never end. We are getting older and cant keep doing this. We just need the strength to step back.
I just want to say you are heard. It sounds like you’ve tried several times. You are right that an alcoholic really does have to hit bottom and take responsibility for themselves. That’s part of this disease. The most terrifying thing is that they may not have one more recovery in them, they may not make it through their bottom. This was my fear with my husband. Near the end of his drinking I finally had to take my hands off the wheel and stop trying to force a solution. It was making me insane. When I was able to, I would tell him I loved him no matter what, and that I knew I couldn’t make him get sober, but if he decided he was ready, to just let me know, and I would take him any time, day or night. He did finally ask one day. It took a full week for him to medically detox (usually takes 2 days). They said if he’d kept going his organs would have started shutting down. Today he is 7 1/2 years sober. I wish this for your son. I know it may not happen, and so send prayers for you too. Keep working on yourself and your recovery. Go to meetings, get a sponsor, read Al-Anon literature. Keep reaching out to others. And let your son know you love him more than anything. He’ll know.