You know, I don't even see this as manipulation per se. It's just him being - him.
That I was undermining his 'need' that 'maybe' he will decide he wants me and it will hurt if I am not there when he decides that
This is the reason I think that. Who says that??
Translated: I'd like to keep you as an option in case I do decide to quit drinking.
This is actually what he has been saying all along, his story (recent) hasn't changed. He broke up with you because you were pushing too hard. Now that you have backed off a bit, he's happy to go along with the status quo, at least for a while.
You sit on one side of the ocean and think - if he would quit drinking and get in to recovery, all would be well. He sits on the other side and thinks, if she would just let the no drinking/recovery thing go, all would be well.
You are at an impasse.
I don't know what else he has said but if it includes quitting drinking right now, that's not what the facts are showing.
This isn't about you. This is about him and his addiction. It is a roller coaster ride and will continue to be so. It is perhaps time to accept this the way it is. You can either continue this long distance relationship, with him drinking, or not.
Also, what happened with his rent? He was hopping on a plane when he was potentially going to be short of rent, that has come and gone, did he get some money from someone? Anyway, now he can relax back in to his normal.
Right now I need support in being strong and not collapsing into a pile of despair.
You know the thing I said above, about the parallel of having a drink and hearing from him, how both are soothing and "fix" that hurt. Problem is, both, in this case are temporary, false, fixes.
I know that blocking him or moving away from him can induce almost a panic. You can ride through these feelings, they are just feelings (not to discount them) but they do pass.
Your focus for quite some time has been him and his problem(s), stopping talking to him leaves a big void. Filling that with other things will help. Going out, spending time with family and friends. Alcoholism can be isolating for everyone, maybe reach out to people you haven't seen for a while.
What would you like to do?