Boy. I really feel your pain and confusion. A couple of people have mentioned Al-Anon (me being one of them). Have you considered it? It's easy to find a meeting, just browse for Al-Anon, Australia. If you're reluctant to attend an in-person meeting, or if meetings are too far or too inconvenient, online meetings are available around the world at all times of the day or night. Either way, you can share what you're experiencing, or you can just listen, that's fine too!
After attending Al-Anon meetings for a while, a more experienced member asked how I felt when I attended my first meeting. From somewhere inside me, the word that sprang up was "acceptance." People in this program understand what you're going thru, (as few others can), and as I learned to listen, I heard my own story and I heard worse stories. I think the "worse stories" surprised me because I was pretty sure my story was the worst! Lots of shame surrounds this disease, for the alcoholic and for those who love them. I think that feeling of acceptance came when I learned that my situation was not unique.
You've got a lot of feelings roiling around, and one of the things we learn is that feelings are not facts. Just like the alcoholic, it's dangerous for us when we are lonely, hungry, angry or tired because at those times we're not thinking clearly. We learn that some of the same things that affect the alcoholic affect us...not because we're alcoholics, but because we're affected by alcoholism. I'd like to recommend a reading from an Al-Anon publication, "Understanding Ourselves and Alcoholism" by Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA. I'm not sure I can include a link, but google it and it will pop right up.The reason I recommend it is because it succinctly describes some of the behaviors that we adopt in reaction to our dealings with the alcoholic: Obsession, anxiety, anger, denial, guilt. You may recognize some similarities.
One last thought on anger. Prior to starting my own recovery, I said, often, "I don't have an angry bone in my body." The truth was that it took me three years to get to the point where I even recognized anger; I had done such a good job of suppressing it. When I should have felt angry, I couldn't. I'm still not an angry person, it's not my nature. But yes, sometimes I do get angry, and that's OK. Emotions come and emotions go. Our job is to be alert for feelings and to see the world thru clearer eyes. Sometimes those are skills that need to be developed and often that takes work.
--Still wishing you the best,