Originally Posted by
Oynnet 
Well,
I stood firm to the boundary, that I wasn't going to pay his rent (he is short again) and he just... ended it. I suppose I should be relived, as I've dodged a bullet. But I just feel... broken and empty and.. crushing hurt
I'm sorry Oynnet, i'm sure this is terribly hurtful and will probably hurt for a while. Keep reminding yourself that the hurt will end, because it really will. All you have really lost is a relationship with someone you are incompatible with, although it won't seem like that just now probably.
Another thing that is important to remember is that he can't and never really could have a relationship with you. His relationship is with alcohol. As unreal as that seems. If you make him choose, he will always choose his first love.
As the addictive process claims more of the addict's self and lifeworld his addiction becomes his primary relationship to the detriment of all others.
Strange as it sounds to speak of a bottle of alcohol, a drug, a gambling obsession or any other such compulsive behavior as a love object, this is precisely what goes on in advanced addictive illness. This means that in addiction there is always infidelity to other love objects such as spouses and other family - for the very existence of addiction signifies an allegiance that is at best divided and at worst -and more commonly- betrayed.
For there comes a stage in every serious addiction at which the paramount attachment of the addict is to the addiction itself. Those unfortunates who attempt to preserve a human relationship to individuals in the throes of progressive addiction almost always sense their own secondary "less than" status in relation to the addiction - and despite the addict's passionate and indignant denials of this reality, they are right: the addict does indeed love his addiction more than he loves them.
So very little of this is about you. Which also seems counter intuitive, but you shouldn't try to place "normal" relationship expectations and values on a relationship with an addict, they just don't apply mostly.
It's so important now to look after yourself. Cut contact with him (he may be back). Eat well, sleep when you can, try to do things you like even though that may seem hard right now. As much as you don't want to bring others "down", spend time with friends and family. Post here as often as you feel like it.
You will heal from this but it's going to hurt for a while. You are strong, you will get through this.