Originally Posted by
trailmix 
Maybe you just don't fully realize what you are asking him to give up (and I say that with kindness, although it sounds harsh).
From the papers of Floyd P Garrett (MD and addiction specialist)
- Addiction, Lies and Relationships
"For the addict the prospect of giving up his addictive behavior and the feelings it brings him
activates profound feelings of loss, deprivation and despair. The addict is attached to his addiction in a primitive and pre-rational fashion just like a lover is attached to his beloved – or an infant is attached to its mother. Because there are no longer any clear boundaries between his love object –in this case, his addiction- and himself, each merges imperceptibly into the other so that it is impossible to tell precisely where the addict stops and his addiction begins - and vice versa.
The psychological consequence of this blending, merging and fusion between the individual and his addiction is that any threat to the continued vitality or existence of the addiction is immediately experienced as an equal and corresponding threat to the self".
https://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/...s_dilemna.html
I want to say a deep thankyou for your replies trailmix. I don't think anyone here has been harsh.Just realistic.
I have a PhD, and research is kind of my thing. That quote you gave there really helps me understand more than I did before. It is certainly something that I feel the need to dive into and understand better. You are right, I don't understand what I am asking him to give up. From my perspective he's unhappy with his job, he hates his life, he has to move out of his apartment, so I didn't understand why it was so hard to just come. I clearly wasn't looking at things from the right angle.