I agree with what others have said above—he is just beginning to get sober, and is not yet in recovery. His daily phone calls are good evidence of that—his focus should be on learning all he can and absorbing strategies and help with recovery, not on trying to get back in the door. Right now trying to “repair” a relationship with this much abuse is a distraction from recovery for him, and will not benefit you.
You need time and space, and he needs to respect that—him pushing you to let him come back to your home (which I am pretty sure he will be asking soon if he hasn’t already) is not accepting consequences for his abuse, or listening to what you have told him you need. Trailmix is correct—at least a year of not only not drinking but showing some of the signs she mentions above that show he is working hard would be a minimum amount of time before you should consider whether you want this relationship in your life any longer.
They say if you want to know how much progress an alcoholic has made on their recovery, tell them “no” to something they want. The true colors typically show through pretty quickly. Right now he has support in rehab, so this would be the best time to not be ambiguous that you might take him back if you have doubts, but to clearly state you are not interested in reconciliation until at least a year, or perhaps not at all.
Search your feelings and what your heart tells you is best for you (not guilt about him) and be honest about where you are while he has the extra support to process it in the rehab center. You sound pretty done to me, and time to heal and reflect in a peaceful home will clarify things quite a bit. Someone breaking into your locked bedroom to scream at you repeatedly is traumatizing, so some counseling with a therapist familiar with alcoholism would really help you as well. Consider Alanon if you haven’t—it is free and people will understand where you are coming from.
I’m so sorry you have been through such a rough time—I hope he does choose sobriety, but as a former drinker as well as a family member of drinkers, the path he is just starting out on is long and difficult, and it is actually better for him to do that work apart from you as he will be emotionally volatile as he learns to process feelings “normally” without drinking them away, and also trying to fix his mess with his family is a kind of distraction from the very serious work he needs to do towards his recovery. Alcoholics also tend to blame instead of take responsibility, or they want you to forget all that ever happened since they stopped drinking “now”. Well, the harm has been done and doesn’t just vanish because they want it too. You have healing to do of your own, as do your kids. I wish all of you the very best—