I am really glad to read the resolve in your words. Because you are correct: it is time to live your life on your terms. And believe me, your terms are basic to human survival: they are safety, security, sanity.
I personally feel that the spouse is the worst person to be "helping" an alcoholic. I think the spouse is a bad influence on an alcoholic and the chance for recovery. If you can't separate yourself from him because you think you will be hurting him, maybe tell yourself you are separating from him in order NOT to hurt him. NOT to hurt his chance to get well.
There is a crazy loop in a marriage of addiction. The alcoholic or addict is constantly drug-seeking, driven by his brain out of control, and the spouse is constantly rescue-seeking, driven by her brain out of control. There is, in my opinion, no way either can help the other.
I know you care about him. And I think the best thing you can do is to remove yourself from him and let recovering alcoholics fill that space.
Then put all your focus on getting well yourself. There is a lot of repairing to do. I wish you a fresh and hope-filled new beginning.