trailmix

You're right, it is easy for people on the outside of a relationship to say that. People give their opinion and some should probably be considered, but you make the decision ultimately.

You will find so many negative stories because that is the story of addiction. Are there people who get in to long term recovery? Absolutely! This website has many recovering alcoholics on it.

When you say "we" didn't know how severe the problem was, you didn't know, he knew and was lying to you. You can't drink that much and secret away bottles and not know that you have a problem. He may have been in denial, but still, deep down he knew and knows. You also don't get in to 85k in gambling debt without knowing you have a problem.

Addiction, to the addict, can be shameful and therefore secrecy is required. You thought you knew him well didn't you? Then you find out he is an alcoholic and a serious gambler. He kept this from you, on purpose.

I don't say this to be negative, I just hope you will be cautious with your feelings. What an addict says and what they do can be two completely different things, as you have witnessed first hand. By it's very nature addiction can be secretive and requires lying and deception to protect itself.

I would recommend you learn as much about addiction as you can (for you, not for him) because this is not over. Even if he does manage to stay sober now, it's a life long thing. He can never drink again, not even 2 years down the road when he thinks he has it all under control and can just "have 1".

He has an addictions problem, not just to alcohol obviously. What treatment is he seeking for this gambling? What other support does he have besides the big book and a sponsor he meets with once a week? Is he attending meetings daily or several times a week? What about the gambling?