Hi all, I love coming back to this thread and seeing all your wise and kind words! I have made some progress this week and working on my detachment and letting go of AH; it's hard and it is a not a straight line but I know that is okay. I also am focusing on working the first step in Al Anon, which has been insightful. And like I said just coming back to read your comments helps me when I feel like I am spiraling and going into control mode of what I want vs. reality.
This past Sunday was our last text communication, and probably will be for awhile. He demanded I give him half our savings; I said absolutely not, it's my savings funded by my income (reminder he has had no income for almost 3 years), and until a lawyer tells me what I am obligated to give you legally, I am giving you nothing beyond the current rental and credit card access for his medical appointments (which thank goodness I have a cap on spend; he tried to make some ridiculous purchases this week). I don't even have to be giving him any of this right now. His response was fine everything through the lawyers going forward. I am realizing this is so much for the better, not only for both of our recoveries, but also because I was willing (naively) to give him financial and emotional support, whereas he has shown no empathy for me and just sees me as his ATM. It is not acceptable and while it's been hard to realize he actually doesn't want to talk to me as a human being he was with for 23 years, I see more and more that how much of a different person he has become and is not in a place where he can offer anything to anyone.